Ponna porandha thavala vazhka nu enga vadukkapatti paati solvanga. Porandha veedu pugundha veedunu rendu edathulayum survive pannanum. Same thing applies muttatis muttandis to articled assistants also. We need to survive both in our office and client’s place.
The first year article ship was bliss. You’ll have your first time experience of being called “Auditor sir”! You will be searching around “yenga sir… yenga sir”. Then the senior will put his hands on your shoulder and tell you “inime ellame ipdidhan!”
I remember my first audit experience. This part of article ship is called “Dry nappy feel happy” part. My senior told me
“Arunu! nalla kettukko. Voucher’la 50 Rs. tick, supporting la 50 Rs. tick, Printout la 50 Rs. Tick. Avlo dhan audit!” Namme vazhkaye tick aana mari oru peeling.
My first audit is a Primary school. I have one unique feature. Any person after looking at me or talking me for just 5 seconds gets to know the real me. “Dhoda Comedy piece!” will be his instant recognition. Eppadi dhan kandu pudippangalo!
On day one of the audit, while I was entering the school premises with Billa movie BGM, one dhamathoondu chalk piece sized boy called me “anna…. anna”. I felt like Ayudha Ezhuthu Surya doing social service. I kneeled down just to match his height with great difficulty and asked “Ennappa thambi? lacto king venuma? Naan saptutene!” He said “Pooja irukka illa pooja, ava ungala paathu…. ungala pathu…. ‘Andha maama paruda… panamaram mariye irukkanga’ nu soldra. He he he” I replied him controlling my tears with Rajini modulation… “kanna… ponnu na santhama pesanum. Santhanam mari pesa koodathu! Pooja pechu doo vittudu!”
For lunch we went to Saravana Bhavan, where people sit in groups and talk about “poor India”, leaving no table free and paying Rs.40 for one spoon Pongal. My senior ordered “one Ghee roast, onion othappam and one Basandhi for me. For you Arunu?” I showed Guna kamalhassan laddu expression and asked “Boss?” He again put his hands on my shoulder and told “inime ellame ipdidhan!”
After that I was sent for a stock audit. I cried to my senior “Amma sathiyama soldren. enakku above hundred numbers theriyadhu boss.” But it didn’t work. I was made to work instead. Five warehouses in the campus, 5 kms radius, 3 full days, I was ROFC-ing (Rolling on the floor counting). That part of article ship is called “Five in the fingers, seven in the mind, total thirteen”
In the middle of my second year, my life changed. I went for an audit with a senior. He wrote “as I am suffering from” letter and absconded. I was made to finalise the accounts with the partner who has the tag line -“I am the terror if you make the error”. I updated my fb status as “I am a comedy piece who is going to rest in peace :(”.
After 2 mins talking, he expressed an adverse opinion on me. That part of article ship is called “Lump sum pump”.
I am in my third year now and i don’t feel pain anymore. I am used to being used. So this part of article ship is called “adingada… nalla adingada… naan kuniyarenda” part.
- Whatever mokka comedy your client tries, you should laugh. For this you can practice by laughing to “kalaikka povadha yaru” and its likes. At least make a curve with your lips and say “eeee….. sema comedy sir neenga!”
- Always you should not complete the audit in a period shorter than the last time. The client will put Variance Analysis and raise queries on us. Mokku!
- Client should not know that you do not know. Do the needful. Keep your face terror!
- While at client’s cost, sort the menu by descending prices and choose the first item. Please ignore “Phone – 439289”. That’s not an item.
- Maintain good relationship with client. Arrange some “vaanga pazhagalam” meeting.
- Don’t get too much attached to your job or employer. Even google cannot support attachments more than 25 MB.
Makkale! All is just for Anju-rooba-biriyani. Don’t overact. Enjoy ticking vouchers and saravana bhavan filter kaappis.