I was in a hospital waiting for my pre-employment medical report. Since I was a CA student, I mentally prepared for a FAIL with exemption as result and already started telling myself inspirational Swami Vivekananda quotes. The guy next to me was looking at his cell phone seriously and suddenly started uttering some bad words and started crying like sreesanth. I responded in a warm and friendly manner by slapping him hard on his face and asked what the matter is. He told ‘poda. Matter and all I won’t tell. I am a ‘Poda’ follower. I slapped him again in the same spot and asked him about ‘poda’ fellowship. He told me that ‘Poda’ is a divine technique of abstaining oneself from worldly attachments. This yegopitha ogopitha philosophy of life is taught to him by a monk who had nothing to sell, called Sarcasachariyar. Even while asked for his blessings, Sarcasachariar was seen mentioned “Poda! Blessings and all I won’t give”. Such a man!
After few slaps I managed to get the reason for his weeping which is Social-yuck-network-phobia. I hugged him tightly and asked what made him go crazy about this facebook. He started running around the room with guna kamal face reciting ‘Asingam asingam facebook asingam, facebook la friend request kudukkara figure asingam, andha figure oda status update asingam, adha padichuttu US back ground la DP vecha payyan podara comment asingam, andha comment ku like potta naalu perum asingam-o-asingam’
I stopped him and thought of asking ‘why this kolaveri da?’. But I cannot ask that without singing (read reading) in dhanush voice and that papapapain music. So I just asked ‘why this kolaveri da’ reading in dhanush voice and papapapain music :P
Then he told me a few things about facebook which made him roll on the floor crying his eyes out. The synopsis of his polambals is as under:
• Picture sharing with words like “10 things about Mother’s love, father’s affection, sister’s semester exam” etc.
• That useless fellow who comments on your status update about the ‘awesome mausom’, when you have updated something about how tuff your exam paper was.
• Those posts by friends tagging you, about how funny it was, when you fell down from the compound wall, trouser torn and seeing those likes on this post from the persons whom you wanted to impress. Bloody Baskars!
• Psychopaths who update status like kamal movie dialogues and manage to get likes from teddy bear DP girl. Those English-movie-without-subtitles audience!
• Surya fans talking about vijay’s height of stupidity and vijay fans replying to that saying “height pathillam neenga pesa koodadhu”. And “thala is back” updates by ajith fans before every single ajith movie release and vijay fans commenting “your thala is my back ra!”
• That sharing of girls’ pictures smoking, drinking etc, as if it is scientifically impossible for a girl to smoke or drink like jumbo circus elephant skipping in one leg. Come on ra… they also have equal rights to get TB and cancer illa?.
• Those visual layout changes by facebook based on vaastu and zuckerburg’s daily raasi palans. Yesterday only I understood one feature ra. Today they changed!
• “Paste it in your wall if you are a stupid dog, with no other things to share on your wall and you failed miserably in clearing the level one of contra game and your boss fired you for for picking nose in office hours” < – – – – Posts like this by 15 people on your news feed.
• Those relatives in the friends list who comments “Hi da (and a puppy shame nick name). How r u?” in between a critical conversation of you with your friend about your 8th standard, super figure, class mate’s relationship status.
• Those 10 chennai people liking your status when you post “out of Chennai for a week” Rascals!
• Those guys who convey their passing an exam with “aatha naan pass aiten” updates and still think it is funny.
• That ‘A blog post updated’ links on the wall with shit contents like this one.
After his polambals only I realized. How cruel as well as crazy this blue sokka facebook is. How much addicted we are. And how much time we waste by clicking the pictures of single girls in fb who are secretly committed to someone and fearing to change the relationship status on fb because of her chithappa on facebook who writes Vivekananda quotes on her wall daily. Cha…
So I decided to write it as a blog and put the link on facebook and refresh every minute to view the likes, comments and shares.
Social (network) activist