One fine day my long lost friend pinged me and was like “Dei! I saw your profile on a Matrimony site! hehe! You are sooo young to get married. My perippa who is 47 years old just got married. My Chithi(37) who got VRS from IOB recently is looking for one!” I replied her saying I am not into it but my parents are forcing me to marry since I look like settled and having no problems. After that, I briefly checked with her about Child Abuse toll free numbers and eligibility.
Actually i was thankful that my father didn’t post an advt. in The Hindu which goes like. “WANTED! Bride from Brahmin educated family, homely, god fearing and cockroach bashing, cultural fit and Fair n lovely kit with good number of selfies urgently! I nodded to my parents with the sole hope that it will take lot of time to get a girl for me. My usual punch line is ‘Enthiruchu ninna 1.5 kms height da! So finding a girl with approx. 1 km height is tough no? I strongly believed that I will get married only after Rajini/Kamal stops dancing duets, Shahid Afridi’s final retirement and Vaalu movie release.
She told me that one of her friends is interested in my matrimony profile and checked with her about my personality (lol). I donno why my friend hates me, she told her friend that I am 75 carat gold. I was given her Facebook profile link and Candy Crush game level so that I will get an opinion.
I half-heartedly opened the Facebook profile with mouse pointer almost hovering near close-window button. Then I saw the iPhone of my eyes – Princess Fiona!. I spent the next 1 hour browsing through every picture she has ever uploaded from her childhood. Cute! I audited briefly whether her Profile picture got at least average number of likes and she passed with good margins. I also checked whether she is a member of FB groups like ‘Vijay na mass’, ‘ ‘Power star is cute’, ‘Salman Khan ka banian’ etc and she turned out ok. I immediately called my mother and spoke “friend called. Rajtv la MMKR. One girl. ARR album is out. Semma cute. How is your BP. Check her profile maybe?”
In the next 2 weeks time so many things happened and so many Josiyars got paid. As per the report issued by the Josiyar – Raagu in my 8th kattam and Kethu in her 7th kattam are childhood friends it seems. So they mingle nicely. They put marks for these nowadays. We got eight for ten. That’s the highest ever marks I have got in anything.
At this point, we exchanged our mobile numbers. The next stage of my life is Stare-at-blank-mobile-screen-and-smile-you-won-a-crore Stage. I did many stupid things in this stage like sending her a long “Dummy’s guide on me” mail with usage instructions as if I am an IKEA product to assemble. She sent her Carnatic concert videos which I watched like Christopher Nolan movies pretending like I totally understood. After all these 1. ground –nut roasting 2. mobile charging 3. Blank screen staring and repeating 1-3 for few days, a face-to-face interview was arranged!
My family landed on the venue in a call taxi. All snacks and drinks were kept ready for us. I. met. Her.! We went out and had Chicku milkshake in the nearby Fruitshop. Suddenly all my mokkai talents and cinema references failed. All I managed was staring and religiously slurping of juice. She said she wanted to play a word game. I started sweating already and got reminded of my CA exam days. The game is simple, she said. She will tell a word and I have to reply back with a word that comes to my mind. She has a list of words ready in her phone for this interview! I took my white kerchief out (new one bought for this) and wiped my forehead in frequent intervals. I got reminded of Thiruvilayadal nagesh and shivaji scene.
She asked life; I replied costing. She asked table, I replied 15% depreciation. She asked government, I replied Macro-Economics. She asked love, I told her that is out of syllabus. From then she started to teach what that word means 😀
Shy is coming,