Raasi palans and Ramanujam theory explanations

Mesha raasi neyargale!

Sindhu maari badmiton vilayaada poren nu solli kosu bat kaile eduthuttu sandhu sandha suthuveenga! Kutti payyanoda vilayaadi smash adichu yaemathuveenga! Agni veyil le Awesome mausam nu status pottu ellarayum saagadippenga! Mesham -neega romba moasam!

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Rishaba raasi neyargale!

Watsapp group le long’a valmeeki ramayanathaye paste panni saavadippenga. Pazhaya sorukku Pisma filter poduveenga. Fb le selfie updates konjam kammi panna odambukku nalladhu. Online activities naala offline affect aagara chance jaasthi irukku. Rishabam red color bum.

Midhuna raasi neyargale!

Romance mood romba jaastiya kaamippeenga. “Love pannunga sir! wife nalla irukkum” – status update’a pottu suthuveenga. Heart patient maari nejule kai veche suthuveenga. Midhunam – GVM.

Kadaga raasi neyargale!

Piles patient maari yellathukkum koava paduveenga. “Kakkoos le yaen thanni varala? Puli sadhathule yaen puli ille? Kanya kumaari ku yaen sudhandhiram kadaikala” nu stressed aave suthuveenga! Kadagam – cheppal le maatina bubblegum.

Simma raasi neyargale!

Gadget expert nu solli thappu thappa advice kudupeenga! Hotstar le gilma padam varum nu kutti pasangala yaemathuveenga. Perimma phone le memory card slot le Sim card pottu maatipeenga. Simmam romba sremam.

Thula raasi neyargale!

Pulav kum Puli saadhathukkum difference theriyama suthuveenga. Neeya naana gopi nath maari – maathi maathi pesuveenga. RB chowdhri padam Raj tv le potta, kann le thanni vechundruveenga! Kabali rajinikanth maari ore the feelings kaatuveenga. Thulam – Maa tu je salaam.

Vruchiga raasi neyargale!

Computer josiyam, vaastu, raasi palan, blog post nu nanna time waste pannuveenga. Poona kurukka pochu, naai kakka pochu nu sagunam paathu kolveenga! Veetu vasal le, scooterle, cell phone le ellaathulayum elumichampazham thonga viduveenga. Apdiyum onnum urupdaadhu.  Vruchigam – panchangam!

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Dhanusu raasi neyargale!

Blog post ku like, share, retweet laam allum. Comments la “semma mokka” nu vandha kandukaadheenga. Sila kola mirattal kooda varum. Sonna paana maari poite irunga. Dhanusu – Tiramisu. Dhanusu – adichu navuthu.

Magara raasi neyargale!

Velai le veli naadu ille, next theru poara vaaipu kooda ille. Property vaangara alavukku neenga worth ille. Monopoly le Blue set thavara vaera edhuvum kedaikkaadhu. Car, bike laam friend kitta kadan venumna vaangalam. Kaasu kuduthellam vaanga mudiyaadhu. Magaram – romba slow’a nagarum.

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Kumba raasi neyargale!

Kovil le potta seruppu maari lost’a feel pannuveenga. Yaen sogam nu theriyamale sogama iruppenga. Sogama irukkome nu soaga paduveenga. Dhaadi ulle moonjiya olichu vechuttu alaiveenga. Kumbam – Thunbam.

Meena raasi neyargale!

Rajini padam meena maari innocent’ave suthuveenga. Husky voice le asingama paadi ellarayum torture pannuveenga. Click here to get watsapp gold, Share this to get free Onida tv nu spam pottu thaakuveenga. Meenam – Avamaanam

 PS: Kanni raasi neyargale! You will be left out in everything just like how you missed this list. 

Jodhida Jonitha Gandhi,
Arun Ram

 

Oru Allakkaiyin pulambal


Ponna porandha thavala vazhka nu enga vadukkapatti paati solvanga. Porandha veedu pugundha veedunu rendu edathulayum survive pannanum. Same thing applies muttatis muttandis to articled assistants also. We need to survive both in our office and client’s place.

The first year article ship was bliss. You’ll have your first time experience of being called “Auditor sir”! You will be searching around “yenga sir… yenga sir”. Then the senior will put his hands on your shoulder and tell you “inime ellame ipdidhan!”

I remember my first audit experience. This part of article ship is called “Dry nappy feel happy” part. My senior told me
“Arunu! nalla kettukko. Voucher’la 50 Rs. tick, supporting la 50 Rs. tick, Printout la  50 Rs. Tick. Avlo dhan audit!” Namme vazhkaye tick aana mari oru peeling.

My first audit is a Primary school. I have one unique feature. Any person after looking at me or talking me for just 5 seconds gets to know the real me. “Dhoda Comedy piece!” will be his instant recognition. Eppadi dhan kandu pudippangalo!

On day one of the audit, while I was entering the school premises with Billa movie BGM, one dhamathoondu chalk piece sized boy called me “anna…. anna”. I felt like Ayudha Ezhuthu Surya doing social service. I kneeled down just to match his height with great difficulty and asked “Ennappa thambi? lacto king venuma? Naan saptutene!” He said “Pooja irukka illa pooja, ava ungala paathu…. ungala pathu…. ‘Andha maama paruda… panamaram mariye irukkanga’ nu soldra. He he he” I replied him controlling my tears with Rajini modulation… “kanna… ponnu na santhama pesanum. Santhanam mari pesa koodathu! Pooja pechu doo vittudu!”

For lunch we went to Saravana Bhavan, where people sit in groups and talk about “poor India”, leaving no table free and paying Rs.40 for one spoon Pongal. My senior ordered “one Ghee roast, onion othappam and one Basandhi for me. For you Arunu?” I showed Guna kamalhassan laddu expression and asked “Boss?” He again put his hands on my shoulder and told “inime ellame ipdidhan!”

After that I was sent for a stock audit. I cried to my senior “Amma sathiyama soldren. enakku above hundred numbers theriyadhu boss.” But it didn’t work. I was made to work instead. Five warehouses in the campus, 5 kms radius, 3 full days, I was ROFC-ing (Rolling on the floor counting). That part of article ship is called “Five in the fingers, seven in the mind, total thirteen

In the middle of my second year, my life changed. I went for an audit with a senior. He wrote “as I am suffering from” letter and absconded. I was made to finalise the accounts with the partner who has the tag line -“I am the terror if you make the error”. I updated my fb status as “I am a comedy piece who is going to rest in peace :(”.

After 2 mins talking, he expressed an adverse opinion on me. That part of article ship is called “Lump sum pump”.

I am in my third year now and  i don’t feel pain anymore. I am used to being used. So this part of article ship is called “adingada… nalla adingada… naan kuniyarenda” part.

Allakkai rules:

  • Whatever mokka comedy your client tries, you should laugh. For this you can practice by laughing to “kalaikka povadha yaru” and its likes. At least make a curve with your lips and say “eeee….. sema comedy sir neenga!”
  • Always you should not complete the audit in a period shorter than the last time. The client will put Variance Analysis and raise queries on us. Mokku!
  • Client should not know that you do not know. Do the needful. Keep your face terror!
  • While at client’s cost, sort the menu by descending prices and choose the first item. Please ignore “Phone – 439289”. That’s not an item.
  • Maintain good relationship with client. Arrange some “vaanga pazhagalam” meeting.
  • Don’t get too much attached to your job or employer. Even google cannot support attachments more than 25 MB.

Makkale! All is just for Anju-rooba-biriyani. Don’t overact. Enjoy ticking vouchers and saravana bhavan filter kaappis.

Saga allakkai,
Arun Ram

Auditor na peria Appatucker huh?

Paavappatta Pannayaru has surplus funds but no time to manage things. So he gave some money to kradhagan kanakku pillai to buy one panni pannai and maintain it. After a year that kanakku is saying that he made a profit of ambathu kasu only through that panni pannai, and showing a Yeskay ruled 96 pages notebook as proof.

Recently that kanakku pillai has bought one Apple iphone 4G and more shockingly 5 kgs of onion for his son appulu’s kaadhu kuthu function! Pannayaru is still using a Nokia 1100 and roaming around giving missed calls to Airtel customer care.

So now Pannayaru is having kuru kuru look on the Van Heusen shirt of kanakku and asking “amma sathiyama ambathu kasu than labama?” Kanakku is promising on his sethu pona paati and her vethala dabba. But Pannayaru is still having doubts.

Now there is one Appatucker in the village. His theerpu giving capacity is approved by a body of Appatuckers. Pannayaru is asking that Appatacker to check, whether what the kanakku says is “Amma sathiyam” or not. Appatacker checks the Yeskay notebook through his allakais and after some thala soriyals found out the following thundu beedi infos.

“Kanakku 5th std  laye  kanakku la  fail  nu  Saroja  miss  sonnanga.  Ivan  pullayoda  school  kanakka  ellam panni pannai note  la  eludhi  loss  nu soldran  rascal ! Amman koil koozhu nu kanakku ezhuthi,  50 thousand aataya pottu, iphone vaangitaan kradhagan. Aatha enna iphone laya pesudhu?”

Terms defined:

  • Pannayaru- Shareholder
  • Panni pannai- Company
  • Kanakku – Management
  • Appatucker – Auditor
  • Allakkais – Audit Assistants
  • Body of Appatuckers – Institute
  • Amma sathiyam – Audit assurance
  • Yeskay 96 page notebook – Books of accounts
  • Thala soriyal fees – Audit fees
  • Thundu beedi infos – Audit evidence
  • Saroja miss’s statement – External evidence
  • Appatucker’s theerpu- Audit opinion
  • Kuru kuru look on Yeskay note- Professional Skeptism

Appatucker’s Theerpu

To Pannayaru,

The preparation of and presentation of Yeskay 60 page notebook is the primary responsibility of kanakku and we are here to just express our theerpu. Our theerpu is based on and subject to the thundu seetugal provided by the kanakku. This theerpu also include a statement on matters specified by YARO 2003. The kanakku has maintained the  kanakku as per his 5th Standard, whereas it needs to be maintained as per Accounting Standards. Hence we are qualifying the report since he’s not qualified.

Conclusion:

Auditor na peria Appatucker dhanda! Enna da pannuveenga?

P.S: If any person feels offended or agitated by this blog, meet me in person. Kaal la vizhundu eppadi kathararen nu mattum paarunga!

Future Appatucker,
Arun Ram.

CA Study Holidays…. Enna Vazhka da idhu!

Once I thought that passing CA Inter without much efforts from my side was aatha’s  arul kadal. But now I’m realizing that it is sani bhagavan’s “ulla-thalli-kadhava-saathu” strategy.

You know when you are going to die, in what phase you are going to die and what is the reason for your death. The time given to pity you or curse your life is called Study holidays.

Due to this reason you will see an abnormal transformation in your thoughts, actions, preferences and lifestyle. I started, listening to spiritual discourses, watching dora bujji, ktv rajkiran movies, and samayal samayal of mallika bhadrinath. Above all I started studying a bit!

 

But always there will be a gleam of hope saying “Evlavo pannitom idha  pannamatoma?” Daily I’ll regret my day for wasting time and will go to “vadapoche mode” and promise on karpooram saying “nalailendhu theeya uzhaikarom, naaya padikkarom!”

I wasted half of my time planning how to study. And remaining half wondering where I went wrong :p. “Idhellam enga urupada podhu” was my aatha’s thalaippu seidhi- daily.

After some 10-15 days I understood that I am in the wrong train and cannot get down. And the train is full of nerds with typical buddi kannadi, breathing in-between pages of books and vomiting formulas. The volume and depth of the subjects made me cry like 5 yr old watching ‘Inception ‘movie without subtitles.

We fought like Anna Hazare for our exam leave in our office. Leave kudu file’a thodu strategy. After getting that successfully we don’t know what to do with it exactly like him.

Funny characters around me:

Bajji barath – He’ll call once in 15 days. Typically he’ll start saying “machi sema plan onnu irukku!” and after that he’ll narrate it with perfect details…. At the end I’ll ask “appo nee idha follow panni rank vangalame!” He’ll reply “nee vangu machi..adhu podhum. Enakku thookam varudhu, apparam pesaren.”

Wat’ra shyam – He called almost daily. We had our polambifying session during that call and before hanging up we’ll say together “nalailendhu thookarom!” After some point of time he changed his preparation strategy by stopping it and visiting temples and doing angapradakshanams. Vevaramana paiyan!

Auto mani – I’ll call him daily to get the motivation. He is like, “why-waste-5 mins-take-your-book-to-the-toilet” types and my big inspiration. He’ll polambify for his saloon visit and wasting 30 mins there. I was wondering how happy I’ll be if I study for that 30 mins and live in saloon for the rest of the day. “Sabba… mudiyala” is his favorite dialogue before ending up the call.

Srinath 420 – He’s a terror guy I say. He’ll call-up for the sole intention of building-up fear in my mind. Srinath na “BAYAM”. He’ll keep on updating his notebook status “Accounts 4 time practice pannitten, Law 6 times revise pannitten, Tax than bayama irukku 2 times than cover pannirukken!” and end up the conversation saying “Ennamachi…pass aavoma?”. Anjaneyarukke vada illena, appo namakku?

Study holidays are great part of my life. Praying that it should not be the longest part. It’s a self-realisation stage. There is only a small difference between a samiyar and CA student. A samiyar will say life or death is a  maya. CA student will say pass or fail is a maya.  I thoroughly enjoyed my study holidays except for a few  hours  of study :p

Kandraviyana karuthugal:

  1. Ishta pattu padicha pass aaga mudiyadhu, kashtapattu padikkanum.
  2. Dhadi valatha mattum pass aaga mudiyadhu, adhoda sethu konjam confidence’um valakkanum.
  3. Padikkatikooda no problem. But revise pannanum. Don’t ask me how.
  4. VAT vattudhu, custom kasta padavekkudhunu punch dialogue lam pesa koodathu.
  5. Plan pannanum aana plan mattum pannakoodathu.
  6. Alava saapadanum… unlimited meals la nalu, anju saapada koodathu.
  7. Padicha mattum poradhu. Padikkadhadha padichamaari nadikkavum seyyanum.
  8. Most important- Indhamari yarachu advise panna kekkanum… poda comedy piece nu thitta koodathu!

All the best! 🙂