How I met your mother on Matrimony site – Season 2

….Contd.  How I met your mother on Matrimony site

Love virus got downloaded and spread throughout my pirated operating system with frequent updates. I saw a different version of myself as in Anniyan movie. Everything seemed beautiful as if god had put Instagram filter on my life. There was this urge to write something in the name of poetry though all I could manage was random words put together without any meaning. Sample below:

Sudha Ragunathan Saree nee,
Aatha kovil Maari nee,
Heart-il odum yaeri nee,
Will you ever marry me?

My friends could not believe that it is me romancing like Justin Bieber and sending selfies on Watsapp. Thank god! I did not send any romantic face selfies on any wrong group, like one of my friends did. All laugh based smileys got used on this group for straight 10 days.

Wifey side arranged a mehendi function where no one was putting mehendi but only mokkai. After eating awesomely arranged snacks and chat varieties that sambhavam happened. Young boys and girls started dancing and compelled me to join as well. I had to use my Mr.Bean dance to make people stop compelling. Shabba!

 

First time facial experience was weird. Their list included all metal based polishes (Platinum to Aluminium) claiming so much money for one face wash. Moonji remained the same. Nothing like Hammam soap.

Inviting 1k relatives is another problem. Some people will take it very serious- the way in which they are invited. You have to visit them, wear their favorite color, sit in their favorite chair and invite. Friends be like “Address and catering name sollu machi!”

My engagement ceremony helped as a rehearsal for camera posing. My close friends used bad words after seeing my Power Star expressions for camera. They decided that I should go through a vigorous Modi-based photo posing training programme.

Pre-wedding photography! I googled before going for photo-shoot and noted few aww-based photos. All I wanted was one Gautam Vasudev Menon film poster but ended up with Mad-max fury poster 😦

Pro-tips from Modi-Posing-Yojana

  1. Smile showing your teeth. When you seal your mouth with m-seal lips, with air inside mouth, it will look like this
  2. Whenever your spouse is giving a good pose, you better look good. It does not matter how horrible you look. it gets printed on album anyway.
  3. When your good looking friend is posing with you, say some gross joke or step on his feet just before the picture is taken
  4. Improve your blink intervals by watching Horror movies or PK movie
  5. The friend you forgot to invite will attend the marriage anyway just to abuse you and your generation while posing. Keep your face fresh during these hard times.

After all these posing and shaking hands with unknown uncles finally you get to taste the food! where our photographer will be waiting and ask for jilebi ootifying pose. One advice – Don’t kill that nice person.

Smile please,
Arun Ram

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